Not gonna lie. Yesterday was rough.
6 years without our Kenton hit me like a freight train.
How very grateful I am for those who reached out through text, FB, mail, poem, and prayer.
When I crawled into bed last night, I couldn't help but pause in a prayer of gratitude for the people in my life that are my placeholders.
Let me explain what I mean by placeholder...
Do you remember when you were in elementary school and waiting in line for say, the drinking fountain or your turn while playing HORSE at recess? And all of a sudden you really REALLY had to go to the bathroom? So your friend in front of you and your friend behind you became your placeholder as you left the line - holding your place until you returned.
As an adult, that same thing happens. At least for me. I hope you have placeholders too. Friends in front and friends in back who hold your place when you need a breather. Friends we see and friends we don't.
"In the gospel of Jesus Christ, you have help from both sides of the veil, and you must never forget that. When disappointment and discouragement strike - and they will - you remember and never forget that if our eyes could be opened, we would see horses and chariots of fire as far as the eye can see riding at reckless speed to come to our protection. They will always be there." [Jeffrey R. Holland]
Yesterday I was reminded so clearly that I have many, many placeholders. Some are constant there in line with me. I see them frequently. We interact frequently. Others are what I call my "fringe placeholders." They're the ones that, although we don't interact frequently, and we rarely see each other, are there by my side when I fall out of line for a bit. The card sent in the mail every.single.year to arrive exactly on Kenton's angel day. The text the day before angel day every.single.year that just says, "I'm praying for you guys!" The bouquet of roses that arrive in the arms of one of my dear sweet other daughters.
I think that placeholders are more crucial to our well-being than we realize.
They're the ones who catch us when we fall. The ones who carry us when we're weak. The ones who hold a place for us when we just need a minute to breathe. They're the ones who bring us back to ourselves.
Elder Neil L. Andersen, in his talk, Wounded, from October 2018 General Conference said, "We search for happiness. We long for peace. We hope for love. And the Lord showers us with an amazing abundance of blessings. But intermingled with the joy and happiness, one thing is certain: there will be moments, hours, days, sometimes years when your soul will be wounded. Wounds of the soul are not unique to the rich or the poor, to one culture, one nation, or one generation. They come to all and are part of the learning we receive from this mortal experience. Even with your own painful wounds, you will instinctively reach out to others, trusting in the Savior's promise: 'Whosoever will lose his life for my sake shall find it.' The wounded who nurse the wounds of others are God's angels on earth."
"The Lord will surround and protect [us] with chariots of fire, as He did for Elisha, in the form of parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles, neighbors, leaders, and friends who will vigorously love them. "They that be with us are more than they that be with them." [Sharon G. Larson, October 2001 General Conference: "Fear Not: For They That Be With Us Are More."]
Today, I return to my position as placeholder. Grateful to those angels who held my place as my wounded soul took a day to grieve. Today, I am determined to stand, to ride in those chariots of fire, and to love vigorously.
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