July 16, 2013
I'm sitting here tonight wondering what's going to come tumbling out onto this page. I started the day in tears and have been sad and quiet and hurting all day. It's not easy being the one left behind. Happiness is a choice. This week it's just proving to be a more difficult choice than usual.
Your birthday party was such an awesome event! There were so many people there! The food was delicious, the entertainment was delightful, and we have over 50 blankets to donate to PCMC in your honor. We couldn't have pulled off an event of this magnitude without the help of some pretty amazing people! We're so blessed to be surrounded by loving friends who serve so willingly!
Bob presented us with your Eagle award. The Spirit of the Eagle. It was an incredible moment. He and Mike did some really cool things for our family. YOU'RE AN EAGLE SCOUT! :)
We stopped at the cemetery on our way home from the party. McKayslin picked you or a Schleich Colt that needed to be delivered to you. Your resting spot is so beautiful. And at night it's all lit up with solar lights. Cia had dropped off the most awesome solar bumblebee. It's way cool. We left your Colt and cried a bit. The whole day had been about you. Oh how we miss our boy!
Today a couple of friends called and asked me if I could help them. That happens so infrequently these days, but was exactly what I needed. I hate feeling useless. It was a busy day, but busy in such a way that made me grateful. Does that make sense? Probably not. Whatever, right?
Dad, McKayslin, and I have finally gotten back on track reading scriptures every night. You feel so much closer when we do. Emotions are definitely close to the surface with all of us as we approach the 6 month mark of you being gone.
I've been thinking a lot about all of the help we've been given over the past 13 months. There are those who have helped on a very large scale and those who stand behind the scenes quietly offering service as they're prompted to do so, answering prayers they have no idea were even offered. Faced with an event such as we were, both kinds of service were welcome and necessary. A blessing to our family.
As the need for large scale service dissipated, those quiet behind the scenes friends continue to serve. That's how I want to be. That's what I long to be able to do. To answer those quiet pleas. That's how you served. Always ready, so close to the spirit, knowing what to do, how to do it, and you were never afraid. You blessed so many with your selfless acts of kindness and love. You set the bar pretty high my boy!
My goal for this week is to continue to pray for opportunities to serve. To be open to promptings. To be a willing helper. You'll help me with that. Right?
Love you, my boy! Thanks for 12 1/2 years of love, memories, and awesomeness! Looking forward to an eternity of the same!
Miss you always!
Love you LOVE YOU!