Tuesday, July 17, 2012

[July 17, 2012] Tuesday. Day 33

We *may* have figured out the trick to keep Kenton from throwing up first thing in the morning!  Of course, tomorrow things may all be different, but for this morning, we were successful.  A slice of bread with peanut butter and jam with 10:00 meds, and half of a granola bar with 6:00 meds seemed to do the trick for today.

We all slept in this morning.
Well, all except poor Luke who has to be to work at 4.
McKayslin and I got up around 9:30.
Kenton slept till 10.

We all had breakfast.
McKayslin went to play at Jelly's house.
Kenton and I hung out here.

We're just about loads of fun these days.
Kenton doesn't really want to do anything because he gets so tired and then feels yucky.

I don't know what my deal is.

It's hard to be the caregiver of a sick child.  At the hospital, you're so focused on learning everything you can because you know that you'll be in charge of most of that when you come home.  You're there to take care of everything your child needs.

Then you come home, and all of that responsibility of medicine giving, monitoring, feeding, hydrating, etc. is now yours, right along with the responsibility of cooking, and laundry, and cleaning, and being a wife and a mom to your other kiddo.

Don't get me wrong - I LOVE being home!  I LOVE being the one making meals for my family and doing those everyday boring things like laundry and vacuuming and dusting and cleaning bathrooms (oh, wait, Luke actually does that part, lol).
Luke actually does a lot more than just that.  I'm pretty lucky that way.  He does dishes and helps with laundry and cleaning and does all of the outside stuff.

But. . .I am worn.right.out.

Luke actually threatened to send me away tomorrow afternoon.
Just me.  In the car.  To go wherever and do whatever I want.
As nice as that sounds, I know I'd feel totally guilty when I returned.
Hard to find a balance.
Yet, I know I need to refresh and regroup before the next hospital stay or I'm going to be a MESS.

Hmmm. . .interesting tangent.
I'm leaving it there.
This is a blog to document our journey through this horrible wasteland called leukemia.
Perhaps someday someone else will need to hear that they're not the only one feeling that way?  Or perhaps someone has some sage advice for me?  I don't know.

On with the day.

Kenton actually ate quite well at lunchtime - almost a whole ear of corn and 3 chicken nuggets.  Sad that is considered eating well.

McKayslin came home.  She ate.
We watched some tv and did a whole lot of nothing all afternoon.

I made Kenton have a little nap.
He wasn't happy about it, but he did fall asleep almost immediately, so I'm guessing he needed it.

We needed to run to the fabric store to get some fabric for a project McKayslin is doing.  Just she and I were going to go, but Kenton wanted to come along for the ride, so we all went.  We got to Joann Fabric and Kenton felt sick.  Luckily we've learned to just keep a barf bucket handy.  McKayslin and I went into the store and picked out her fabric.  Luke and Kenton stayed in the van.  We came back out and came home.  Kenton felt yucky all the way home, but didn't throw up - at least not in the van.

I started dinner.  It's Tuesday - sometime on Tuesday you just have to have blueberry pancakes and buttermilk syrup!  That was dinner.  Kenton wasn't feeling super great, but not super yucky either.  He ate a pancake.  And threw up.  Nice.

I went out and picked the few raspberries that were ripe on our bushes.
Is it sad that I'm glad that our raspberries aren't doing so well this year?
I'm kind of concerned about my soon to be abundant green beans, tomatoes, and peppers.  Praying that they'll wait to be ready to be harvested and bottled in August.

Kenton waited a little while, and tried again with another pancake.
That one stayed put.  So weird. 

I hate to give him Zofran too often because lately he gets a rash when he takes it.  Then he has to take Benedryl.  Then he is soooooooooo tired.  Uuuggghhh.  No Zofran for the day.  He wanted to go without it and see if his body would just let him eat.

We'd just gotten the kids to bed and I was in talking to McKayslin.
She's really having a hard time with this whole thing.
I can't even imagine being 8 years old and having your whole world tipped upside down.
She is trying so hard to not be jealous of all the attention/gifts that Kenton receives.
She understands.
But. . .when you're 8 and all anyone ever talks about is your brother, well, that gets a little tough.  She's worried, too.
How in the world does anyone ever figure this crazy journey out?
As I hugged my sweet little girl, I prayed that somehow we could make this better for her.
That someone would understand what SHE needs and do something JUST for her.

Luke came down the stairs just then with a gift that Sister Nebeker had dropped off.
A gift that was ONLY for McKayslin.
There wasn't a single thing for Kenton in that delivery.

Immediately the quote from President Kimball came to mind:
“God does watch over us and does notice us, but it usually through someone else that he meets our needs.”
I know that this gift has been weeks in the making (Sister Gittins asked McKayslin her favorite colors and animal a couple of weeks ago when the Primary Presidency visited the hospital).  However, how amazing to me that the gift and the note (that was exactly what McKayslin needed to hear from someone OTHER than her parents!) were delivered at the time that they would bring the most comfort.
I am so grateful for friends that listen to the promptings of the Holy Ghost.
This really was an immediate answer to a prayer.
These miracles amaze and strengthen me.

We'd just resettled McKayslin into bed when we heard a knock on the door.
This is becoming a nightly thing.
Maybe we put the kids to bed too early?

It was Bob and Judy.
Definitely worth answering the door for!
We had a great visit and Kenton loved hanging out with them.  Bob is one of Kenton's favorite grown ups!  Judy brought super yummy peanut butter cookies (must.get.that.recipe).  So glad they stopped by!

We tucked the kids back in and settled in to watch some tv and have some popcorn.
This is an old normal.
Nice to be able to include it once in a while in our new normal also.

Tonight my heart is filled with gratitude for those who listen and respond without any want for recognition.

And that, my friends, is day 33.

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